"Are We Dating The Same Guy? | San Diego CA" has amassed more than 56,600 members, joining a global network of private, women-only Facebook communities aimed at protecting women navigating the dating world. While the group has become a resource for sharing warnings and personal experiences, similar groups in other cities have faced lawsuits over defamation, exposing the delicate balance between free speech and legal risk in digital spaces.
The San Diego chapter is part of a growing online movement that now spans over 120 cities worldwide. Flagship chapters include New York City, which was founded in March 2022 by Paola Sanchez, now with nearly 170,000 members and London with over 165,000. Sanchez, a University of California at Santa Barbara alumna, has maintained a relatively low public profile regarding the groups, declining interviews to keep the focus on the community's mission. She is allegedly a member of every single group.
Globally, the network exceeds four million members. These forums serve as virtual watchdogs where women can inquire about potential partners, expose toxic or harmful behavior, and crowdsource relationship advice. While the majority of discussions are aimed at promoting awareness and safety, the legal repercussions in other chapters highlight the potential liabilities of airing grievances in public or semi-public online forums.
The San Diego group, linked to the official Are We Dating the Same Guy? app, outlines three core functions: providing a space for women to vet men they are dating or considering dating, warning others about individuals who may be dishonest or abusive, and offering a supportive forum for advice on dating and relationships. Members are encouraged to post anonymously and to follow strict privacy rules. Sharing screenshots or disclosing member identities outside the group is prohibited, with violators subject to banning.
The San Diego group, linked to the official Are We Dating the Same Guy? app, outlines three core functions: providing a space for women to vet men they are dating or considering dating, warning others about individuals who may be dishonest or abusive, and offering a supportive forum for advice on dating and relationships. Members are encouraged to post anonymously and to follow strict privacy rules. Sharing screenshots or disclosing member identities outside the group is prohibited, with violators subject to banning.
Despite these precautions, the group has become a flashpoint for controversy. Posts often include allegations about infidelity, emotional abuse, coercion, sexually transmitted diseases, and in some cases, even violence. Individuals identified in the posts have included well-known local business owners, chefs, and social media influencers. While not every accusation reaches the level of criminality, the group has provided a space for women to flag behavior that may impact others' safety and well-being.
Groups claim that each member is manually vetted by a small team of local volunteers. Applicants must have public profile details for verification, and the vetting process is time-intensive, often balancing privacy concerns with safety needs. The San Diego chapter also promotes its affiliation with the Are We Dating the Same Guy? mobile app, which adds features like screenshot blocking to reinforce community boundaries.
Groups claim that each member is manually vetted by a small team of local volunteers. Applicants must have public profile details for verification, and the vetting process is time-intensive, often balancing privacy concerns with safety needs. The San Diego chapter also promotes its affiliation with the Are We Dating the Same Guy? mobile app, which adds features like screenshot blocking to reinforce community boundaries.
While groups emphasizes safety through its manual vetting processes and strict privacy rules, concerns have been raised about the effectiveness of these measures. Critics argue that the vetting process may not be as rigorous as intended, allowing fake accounts to infiltrate the group. Instances of unauthorized individuals joining the group have been reported, leading to potential safety risks. Additionally, there have been incidents where content from the group was leaked to external platforms like TikTok, compromising member privacy. More alarmingly, some member lists have been shared among misogynistic groups, leading to targeted harassment of women identified as members.
Furthermore, discussions about the group's administration and priorities have surfaced. Some members feel that the focus has shifted more toward brand management than member safety. Attempts to discuss these concerns within the group have reportedly led to automatic bans, indicating potential issues with transparency and open dialogue.
The popularity of these groups parallels rising global concerns around online dating safety. A 2022 study by the Australian Institute of Criminology found that three in four dating app users reported experiencing some form of online sexual violence. In response, platforms like Tinder and Bumble have introduced safety features such as profile verification, background checks, and in-app reporting tools. Nevertheless, the sustained growth of the Are We Dating the Same Guy? network suggests that many users still feel the need for peer-to-peer support outside the control of major tech platforms.
Some Are We Dating The Same Guy groups have faced legal challenges and controversies. In Australia, a man filed a defamation suit against a Sydney chapter member, incurring more than $20,000 in legal fees. In the U.S., a South Carolina judge ruled in 2024 that a woman who posted in a local group about a sexual assault could not proceed under a pseudonym, citing the group’s visibility and size as undermining any expectation of anonymity.
Published on April 7, 2025.
The popularity of these groups parallels rising global concerns around online dating safety. A 2022 study by the Australian Institute of Criminology found that three in four dating app users reported experiencing some form of online sexual violence. In response, platforms like Tinder and Bumble have introduced safety features such as profile verification, background checks, and in-app reporting tools. Nevertheless, the sustained growth of the Are We Dating the Same Guy? network suggests that many users still feel the need for peer-to-peer support outside the control of major tech platforms.
Some Are We Dating The Same Guy groups have faced legal challenges and controversies. In Australia, a man filed a defamation suit against a Sydney chapter member, incurring more than $20,000 in legal fees. In the U.S., a South Carolina judge ruled in 2024 that a woman who posted in a local group about a sexual assault could not proceed under a pseudonym, citing the group’s visibility and size as undermining any expectation of anonymity.
More recently, a Chicago man filed a class-action lawsuit against 27 women and Meta over allegedly defamatory comments made about him in the local chapter, including claims of sexual misconduct. And in Los Angeles, a $2 million defamation lawsuit filed by a man against 10 women included accusations that he was falsely labeled a "murderer" and accused of having an STI; several claims remain pending, though some were dismissed under California's anti-SLAPP statute.
Despite these legal concerns, many members of the San Diego group view it as a vital tool for empowerment. The group prominently features resources for those in crisis, including contact information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233), the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.4673), and corresponding text and online chat support options.
The "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" San Diego chapter serves as a testament to the power of collective vigilance in the digital age. While it offers a platform for women to share experiences and support each other, the group is not without its challenges. Concerns about vetting processes, member safety, administrative transparency, and legal implications underscore the complexities of managing such a large and influential community. As the group continues to evolve, addressing these issues will be crucial to maintaining its integrity and effectiveness in promoting women's safety in the dating world.
Despite these legal concerns, many members of the San Diego group view it as a vital tool for empowerment. The group prominently features resources for those in crisis, including contact information for the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800.799.7233), the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.4673), and corresponding text and online chat support options.
The "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" San Diego chapter serves as a testament to the power of collective vigilance in the digital age. While it offers a platform for women to share experiences and support each other, the group is not without its challenges. Concerns about vetting processes, member safety, administrative transparency, and legal implications underscore the complexities of managing such a large and influential community. As the group continues to evolve, addressing these issues will be crucial to maintaining its integrity and effectiveness in promoting women's safety in the dating world.
Those interested in joining the community can apply via Facebook or explore the official app at arewedatingthesameguy.com, which provides added privacy and community features.
Published on April 7, 2025.